Percy's Revenge
by Apollo's Child
Summary: Percy wakes up and remembers last night-when Thalia blasted him with a lightning bolt! Then, with a little help from the goddess of revenge, Nemesis, Percy sets out for his revenge on Thalia, daughter of Zeus.
1. Nemesis's Whispers

Percy's Revenge

Percy POV

I woke up in my bed in the Poseidon's cabin, alone and smoking from the ears.

Last night the whole camp had had a big party, but when I got mad at Thalia for polluting the water with her lightning bolt display, she struck me with one. Apparently she had used extra force, because I was still smoky, and my hair was sticking up. Today was the day for payback.

_That's right, Perseus Jacksonus._

"Who's there!?" I yelled at the voice in the air.

_Just an old friend helping you get that prick Thalia back._

"Nemesis!"

_Yes?_

"What are you doing here?"

_I told you already! Everybody deserves revenge! Even you, KILLER OF ETHAN NAKAMURA!_

"What?! I didn't kill Ethan!"

_Suuuuure, boy. Anyway, enough chat! It's time for revenge!_

And suddenly I found myself walking out of my cabin and to the Zeus's Cabin.

Once inside, I saw Thalia lying face down on the marble floor. I walked over to where she was standing, I mean lying, and crouched beside her.

"Heee-llooooo!" I said in her ear.

"AH!" She jumped up, her eyes half-wild. She looked at me then yelled, "Oh, it's you, Sea Boy."

"Yep. And I'm here for revenge!"


	2. Thalia and the Many Bathrooms

**Author's Note:**

**Thanks to all of you that viewed, reviewed, and followed this story! I hope you like Chapter 2, so here goes:**

Percy POV

"Yep. And I'm here for revenge!" I yelled at Thalia. She looked at me like I was part of Kronos's Titan Army.

"Percy?" she said like I was in for a huge talking to.

"Yes?" I asked innocently.

"YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING COUSIN I EVER HAD!

_The fool! Get her, Perseus! , _said Nemesis.

"Thalia, I'm here to set you straight for shooting me with that lightning bolt!" I said boldly.

I lifted up my hand and summoned water. A huge wave appeared behind me, and then splashed towards Thalia. She got soaked, but she only looked like she had just been to the swimming pool. But that wasn't all I wanted to do. I summoned some more power and dried off the top half off Thalia's clothes, and yelled, "PARTY IN ZEUS'S CABIN!"

Thalia, with her sleep-ruffled hair and her wetted pajamas looked like the funniest thing in Camp Half-Blood. A rumbling was heard outside and then the door burst open, letting the entire camp in, including Chiron.

"Did someone say, party?" Connor Stoll said.

"Yep. I did. Oh my gods look! Thalia has wetted her pajamas!" I exclaimed in mock surprise.

Everybody turned to look as Thalia backed into the corner. In the back of my mind I heard Nemesis:

_Well done, Perseus. But justice hasn't been fulfilled yet! You must make her pay her dues!_

"Shut up, Nemesis."

_You aren't rational, boy. You can't tell goddesses to "Shut up"_

I ignored Nemesis and turned to Connor, who was asking where the party snacks were.

"Oh just right through that door, Connor." I directed him

Connor walked towards a door on the left.

"Not that one, that's the bathroom!"

Connor reached for the handle next to the bathroom, until I yelled, "No, that's Thalia's bedroom!"

He reached again, before I stopped him once more.

"Don't you know anything, Connor, that isn't the party room! That is the kitchen!"

"That leads to the second bathroom, Stoll!"

"Not that one, move to the left!"

Finally Connor turned and glared at me.

"Which-filthy-door-is-it? And how many rooms does one demigod need?"

"It's the door over there, and the Big Three's kid's cabins got upgraded."

"No fair!" Said Connor, as he moved to another door, still glaring at me.

"THAT ISN'T IT, STOLL! THAT HAPPENS TO BE THE SECOND BATHROOM! AND THE ONE YOU ARE TOUCHING NOW IS THE MASTER BEDROOM! Gods, what is wrong with you?"

Connor looked like he was going to explode. His hands were in fists, and his eyes were almost glowing red. I sidled over to him and said, "Would you like me to show you where the snacks are? Right this way!" and I led him to the one door he had been avoiding. His mouth frowned even lower as he stepped stiffly through the door. Inside the room, a dozen doors led off to other rooms.

"Don't get lost!" I yelled after him as I closed the door.

_Very good job, Perseus, but he hardly needed payback_ Nemesis said.

**I'm going to update soon, please keep reviewing everyone! :)**


	3. Would You Rather EXTREME

**I've updated! Yay! Please review, since I don't have many reviews, and I'd love to hear any compliments or improvements I could add! Anyway, here is Chapter 3 of Percy's Revenge!**

After making Connor really mad, and after everyone left the cabin, I made a deal with Thalia. We would play Would You Rather-_Extreme Version_ with the whole camp, and settle our anger by making each other try embarrassing things. You see, the way Would You Rather-_Extreme Version_ works is that not only do you say which choice you would rather do out of the choices the person tells you; you have to actually perform it. For example, I tell Thalia, "Would you rather tell Juniper that Grover has died painfully during a suicide mission to bring back another nymph, or tell Chiron he has to go to Calypso's Island for the rest of his life by order of the gods." And that is exactly what I did:

"Well, what do you choose, Thalia?" I prompted the daughter of Zeus. Thalia looked very strangled at the decision she had to make. By the way, if you think she could just say, "I quit" or, "Chicken out!", then you're wrong. I made her swear upon the River Styx. And yes, I'm going oretty far with this game of Would You Rather.

"I guess I'll have to choose…tell Chiron that he has to go to Calypso's Island." Thalia said nervously. I waved for her to go on, and she walked away from the beach, where all the camp member and I were gathered, and towards the Big House. Everyone followed her. Thalia kept looking sideways over her shoulder to check if we were still following her.

Finally we got to the Big House. Chiron and Dionysus were inside, playing Ping-Pong. I signaled to the rest of the camp to wait outside so that it didn't look suspicious, and solemnly took a step near Chiron. "Chiron, Thalia has urgent news for you. You may want to hear it in private, I think it's important." I said importantly, trying to not to burst out laughing. Chiron looked from me to Thalia and back again, and then at Dionysus. "Would you excuse us for a moment, Lord Dionysus?"

"Why of course, Chiron. This Ping-Pong game can wait!" Dionysus assured Chiron as though his tiny brain really enjoyed being called, 'Lord' instead of 'Mr.D'. It was especially suspicious, since he never let anyone interrupt his games of Ping-Pong. He left the room, and I backed away slightly giving Thalia lots of room to make her speech.

"Chiron…the gods have ordered me to tell you that…you must spend the rest of your lifetime on Calypso's Island. " Thalia informed Chiron miserably. Chiron stared at her. "Oh my….oh no…I knew it would affect me sometime…why, Zeus? I didn't mean to!" Chiron said at the ceiling.

"What are you talking about, Chiron?" I asked him. He looked at me, tears in his eyes.

"It's a long story…ah, very well. One day, when I was just hanging out with the Party Ponies, Zeus contacted me. He said…he said he wanted me to babysit his adopted child. He was in the mood for adopted children, you see." Chiron said this like it was obvious. I nodded.

"Anyway, of course I accepted to babysit him, so he gave me a list of things of what NOT to do with the child. I was reckless then, so I only read half of it! It read, "_Number 1: Do not throw him over a bridge. He does not know how to fly like my other children. Number 2: Do not show him to anyone! If anyone saw him, it would mean the end!_" It didn't explain that part. Anyway, that is all I read, so I threw the list away and took the kid from Zeus, to my apartment. When I got there, I fed him popcorn whilst I watched movies on TV. After I watched _Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, _which, by the way, is not how it happened, I noticed that the boy was getting rather fat. And yellow. And buttery. The child had an allergic reaction to popcorn, and it was permanent! It was on the list, but I didn't see! So the child turned to popcorn, and that is forever why-"

"Oh, I know! The famous myth of Popius, the mortal who got turned into popcorn, until he left to the Underworld, where Hades took pity on him and made him into a minor god, in the form of a magical Corn Flake! That was how Corn Flakes were created." Thalia finished. I watched, dumbfounded, as Chiron nodded, now sobbing. "Uhhhhhhhhh…wait a second, there is a god of _popcorn? _You aren't serious. And you think Zeus is punishing you for turning a kid to a popcorn kernel?" I asked them.

"Yes, Percy."

"I don't know why I ever decided to become a demigod."

**Did you like the story? I tried to make it funny, with the popcorn and that last, dumb line that Percy says. I'll update soon, please review, and also vote on my poll!**


	4. Clovis's Odd Choice

**Hello again everyone! Last chapter, there was a couple paragraphs about 'Popius', the god of popcorn, so I have made another story called, 'The Myth of Popius', which includes the whole story. Please read that as well, and review please!**

Percy POV

After the weird myth of Popius, Chiron went to the beach to wait for Zeus to transport him to Calypso's Island. Thalia and I left him there, and continued the game with the rest of the camp.

"My turn!" said Thalia. She looked at me. I shook my head.

"You can't choose me, I just went!" I said. Thalia grunted and looked at Clovis.

"Clovis, would you rather stay awake for five hours, or go to Hades?"

Clovis looked horrified. At least, I think he did, but he was sleeping. I woke him up and Thalia repeated the question.

"I don't know, that is REALLY hard!" Clovis said weakly. He looked around at everyone.

"I suppose I have to say, go to Hades…"

"You're not serious! You would rather DIE, than stay AWAKE?" I asked Clovis, dumbfounded once more.

Gods, these people had the weirdest minds. First, a god of popcorn, now someone would rather die than be awake for even less than most normal people stay awake.

So Nico shadow traveled Clovis to the Underworld, to see Hades. He would probably stay there forever, but no one seemed to care.

"So who goes next, since Clovis can't?" asked Thalia.

"Can I?" Nico offered.

"Sure, Nico. Who do you choose?" I asked Nico.

"Hmm. Piper, would you rather break up with Jason, (Jason is not in the room), or try to charmspeak your mother?"

Piper thought for a moment. Breaking up with Jason would suck for her, but her mother would get very mad if she tried to charmspeak her. Finally, she spoke up.

"I'm going to have to go with breaking up with Jason."

I was stunned. That was uncalled for. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Travis drop a golden drachma in Connor's hand, Connor looking smug. This was going to be highly amusing.


	5. Piper and Jason No More

**Hi again! I know I haven't updated in a while, sorry about that, but in this chapter I have a lot of humor planned! I really hope you like it! If you do, review and check out Artemis's Hunter's profile, and vote on the poll for me! Anyway, before the characters fall over from having to stay still from last chapter, here is chapter 4!**

Chapter 4

Percy's POV

"Piper?" I asked warily. She didn't say a word, and was gradually turning a sickly shade of green. Maybe she was feeling sick. Or maybe it was because Travis had picked up a paint ball gun and was shooting everyone in sight with globs of green paint.

"Stop being so quiet! It's paintball tiiiiiimeee!" Travis shouted, and Connor appeared behind him with another gun. I ducked as they ran around like maniacs, and almost got hit by a particularly large bit of brown paint.

"Shut up!"

I turned my head to the speaker. So did everybody else. Clovis was turning red with anger. And not because of paintball.

"Clovis, what do you have against paintball?" Connor asked curiously. Clovis slowly turned his neck at him.

"My best friend Piper is about to break up!" Clovis answered angrily. Piper rolled her eyes and looked at Clovis.

"Clovis, I've told you a million times we're _not_ best friends. In fact, we're not even friends!" Piper explained. Clovis's eyes started watering.

"Clovis, I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant! Obviously no one likes me! I have the worst luck, no friends, and never say the right thing! I know what you think of me!" Clovis cried, and ran off into the bushes. Travis blew out a low whistle. "Well its true…"Everyone nodded slowly like they were considering Travis's statement carefully. Or were not sure what to do in the awkward silence.

"Piper, let's get this over with." Annabeth said gently. Piper nodded and stalked towards the Zeus cabin. We all followed.

We found Jason setting up what looked like a very romantic dinner for two. He had rose-coloured candles that let out a flowery scent, fancy chairs, and small round table with two ornate plates sat on top. A card lay on the table.

Jason straightened up when he heard us enter. It was then when I noticed that he was wearing a tuxedo with a rose his chest pocket. Oh boy.

"Piper, my love! I have officially broken up with Reyna, I mean; I was never with Reyna of course, not cheating on anyone…no…uh…anyway…" Jason blushed as he said this. Piper looked ready to burst out in tears.

"Anyway, I've set up a beautiful night here today…oh, what in Tartarus: Piper, what I've wanted to say is that ever since I met you, I loved you. Will you marry me?" I looked wide-eyed at Travis, then Connor, Grover, and everyone else wide-eyed. It was going way better than planned.

"Jason…I-I came here to say-" Piper started.

"I know! I know you love me too! We love each other! Ahaha!" Jason interrupted nervously.

"Jason I'm breaking up with you!"

Jason stared at Piper, shell-shocked.

"THAT-WAS-AWESOME!" Connor yelled triumphantly. He laughed, and everyone joined him. Piper and Jason started sobbing. I, meanwhile, was laughing my head off. Literally.

"What the-" I started, as I felt my head falling off. The laughter stopped.

"Oh my gods?!" My head said. A voice rumbled through the cabin. Two voices.

"You do not break up our sons and daughters. Prepare to be punished."

Lighting struck and a hundred evil doves dive-bombed us. My head returned to my neck, allowing me to think about how random it was to blow off someone's head just to put it back on again, before a dove attacked me. I screamed.

"Stop! I'm sorry! We're sorry! They can get back together again…I guess!" I yelled. The storm of lightning and doves subsided.

"Fine." Was all the two united voices boomed. There was silence for about five minutes, until I said, "Who's next?"

**I really hope you liked it! Well, that's it…ok, bye for now! **


	6. Leo and the Beans

**Yes, it's true: I've updated. I know it's been a while, but what matters is that this chapter is packed with hilarious moments. If you don't agree, you can always review saying so. But if you DO agree…review in appreciation! **** Make sure to read the end A/N for a contest.**

Chapter 6

Percy POV

"So…I guess we should keep playing. It's my turn now?" Piper asked, still sniffling. I was about to nod, but then I remembered that my head wasn't exactly stable. I awkwardly did a little bow-nod instead. Piper looked at me as if she was wondering how I could possibly be a savior of Olympus. Just thought I'd slide that little comment about the savior stuff in there. Anyway, I gave up with the nodding and just said, "Yes."

"Alright then. Leo, would you rather set up a campsite in Olympus right outside the throne room and whenever someone comes by say, "Howdy partner, come an' get some grub!" or give Aphrodite beauty tips?" Piper said, a mischievous look coming into her eye, despite what she had just been through. Jason was sobbing in the corner, putting on and off the diamond ring he had bought.

"Seriously? I have to say the Olympus one sounds more appealing…but the most entertaining is…no…um…can I do both of them?" Leo said, frustrated. Piper, Annabeth and I all turned to stare at him. He glanced at each of us in turn. Then he shrugged.

"Well, I mean, if you don't want me to…"

"NO! I mean…yes! Please, go ahead?" I said, everyone else joining in on the, 'NO'.

"Then it's settled. Seriously, loosen up. This'll be good for laughs!" Leo assured us. We all nodded as honestly as we could without cracking up.

Up in Olympus, Leo was setting up his tent and campfire at super speed. In a few minutes, he had a bowl of beans baking in the fire, a large tent set up on the side, and a couple chairs.

"I'll just go talk to our friend the beauty queen, so wait here." Leo said, rolling his eyes as we all snapped and burst out laughing. Leo waved us aside and marched off to the throne room to chat with the goddess of beauty herself. Everyone followed.

"Um, excuse me, Lady Aphrodite? I just wondered if I could chat with you a moment…?" Leo asked awkwardly. The goddess was on her throne, painting her nails. She looked up when her name was said. She stood up and nodded.

"Fine, Valdez. What about, may I ask?" she said importantly, regarding the rest of us with a nod. Everyone, including Leo, bowed. Then Leo looked up.

"There's no need to tire yourself by standing, ma'am. This won't take but a moment. You look beautiful, by the way." Leo said, putting on a tone of voice most unlike him. Aphrodite snorted.

"Why thank you, boy, but let's not waste time with flattery. What did you want to tell me?"

Jason rolled his eyes and leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Quite a charmer, eh?"

I silently laughed and nodded. A couple snickers from Annabeth and Thalia reached Leo, and he made a very, ahem, _rude gestures indeed._ The laughing stopped when Leo started talking:

"Well, I was just thinking, right now, you are a fugitive from the fashion police. You could always try painting your nails with psychedelic patterns, like swirls. Those are all the rage these days. Your makeup could be filled with much more colour! And when I thought of that, a brilliant idea struck me! With those nails and some rainbow makeup, you could wear one of those mini jean skirts, a bikini top, and then you could put curlers in your hair-"

"GET OUT, VALDEZ, YOU DARE GIVE THE GODDESS OF BEAUTY ADVICE? THIS IS INSULTING!" Aphrodite raged. She got off her throne, which had started to emit puffs of pink smoke. Leo and everyone else ran for their lives. I sprinted out of there like a kangaroo on caffeine.

The throne room was completely covered in pink to red smoke, angry doves, and little makeup brushes racing for Leo, but no one stopped to sightsee. We all dove into Leo's little camp tent, which was extremely awkward, and hid. I heard heavy footprints outside. _Must be Aphrodite in full size, _I thought.

Suddenly Piper, who's voice was muffled under the pile of demigods, whispered, "Your dare! You have to offer her beans!"

"That sounded messed-up, but whatever. If I don't come back it's 'cause Piper insisted I offer an angry goddess beans. Put that on my grave." Leo said sarcastically, taking a deep breath and exiting the tent. I poked my head out to watch.

"Why, you must be the goddess of beauty herself! Howdy partner, come 'an get some grub!" Leo shouted, attempting to pat Aphrodite on the shoulder, but instead brushed her leg. She glared down at him.

"You have nerve, Valdez, I'll give you that. I'll make a deal with you. I will forget the whole

thing-" she put her hand to her forehead at this point as if it was a huge inconvenience- "If you make me the finest beans I've ever tasted. Not like me, you say? Well, let me tell you, as a kid everyone complained about…the…aroma that I emitted…at times. You know why? BECAUSE I LOVE BEANS!" She yelled. No one in the tent could stop themselves from laughing this time. Luckily she didn't notice. Leo smiled, and nodded.

"Deal."

**By the way, in this chapter, Aphrodite is, obviously, a little OOC. Take no notice; it's meant to be that way. So, now for the contest:**

**What was the first monster Percy ever battled?**

**The prize for this contest is a shout-out next chapter. Good luck!**


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